Q: I moved my kids far from Deadbeat Dad in prison and he writes mean things to my kids for what I did. What to do?

A:

You have done the right thing by taking care and providing for your kids the best you can in such a way you could have done where you were at.

We don;t know how old your kids are but if they are old enough to read those nasty words - which they should not - then you can talk to them about the matter objectively. Discuss why you did what you did and why their father is saying such things about you. Let them think it out with proper guidance. Ask your kids how they feel and do they think that it was wrong for you to move them to a better place. The point is to get the kids to talk about their feelings.

If they say they want to be with daddy, don't be upset. Just say something supportive (even though negative or defensive may be so much easier) of that feeling... such as, "when things are better and safe, maybe we can see daddy." Regardless of reality sometimes, kids still sees daddy's as something great and amazing and anything going against that just puzzles and hurts them. My grandmother was all about me communicating with daddy through letter and my mom talked all the bad about him. It really confused and hurt me because daddy was someone I loved regardless of the drugs and prison. My dad has moved on and has a new family and so has my mom. Dad is a changed person and is not that man that mom once said he was (which was accurate then). Grandma was right too. Regardless, he was daddy who gave life to us but this back and forth thing was not good for me when I was 6 years old.

I have 2 brother in laws that were in prison and were horrible people before but now have changed lives and you would never think they were ever there. People can change and possibly, if this happens to your ex, you can fulfill your word that "when it is safe, we can." But right now, safety doesn't look high on that scale. Only time will tell.

I wish you the best and I commend you for doing what you did for you you and your children as far as moving. Meanwhile, keep in tuned to their emotional needs, especially over things like these.