He Really Doesn't Care? I think Not!

You Said: i do talk with my husband about everything that i'm feeling, he seems to understand, but the next thing i know he does it all over again, he really doesn't care if he makes a mistake, he is the best father, is just that we don't seem to be on the same path. and this is after almost 7 years of marriage.

the reason i feel trapped is also because i have lots of ideas of what to do with my day, but i don't get to do them (24 hours is not enough) . like i want to learn more how to live green, i want to read books about that, i started to save energy around a house, to use claening products that don't pollute the enviorment etc. just little things. i learned how to scrap book, how to decorate, how to cook italian food, i love cooking by the way.

Jen Answered: B, I think you are an awesome woman! Just a bit of an outlet and you will see that your marriage is totally fine! It's Divorce-happy people that has convinced us that it isn't.

First off, I just wanted to say that we all want more hours in a day we can't have it. But It may or may not help to know that everyone on earth also only gets 24 hours so don't feel too bad. The thing to do is to prioritize. What is important to you? Then do them as they fall in line. Just keep in mind though that the order you prioritize according to your liking will have a direct impact not only on you but on your family as well. So I suggest, prioritize with the end result in mind and not necessarily in search of personal and immediate self-gratification. You may be happy, bu will your son be happy. Will your marriage be in tact? For me, my priority is God, My husband, My child, Myself and my career. When all those things are good, I am happy.


Second, I really believe that people do the best they can and want to do the best they can. What keeps that from happening is a person's limited scope. Someones scope is limited due to their environment, upbringing, experiences, brain wiring, etc. What I mean is, we cannot force people to be more than they are at a certain point. What we can do is to expand their scope. New scopes can lead to changes, both good and bad. But change is what you want. Teach new scopes.

A great example of this is me. I am really bad at remembering things... keys, wallets, personal belongings, dates, conversations, etc. My husband would get real frustrated at me because i always lost/misplace the same things over and over. I seriously want to change it. I love him so much and hate disappointing him. I would even verbally say, "I am putting this away in my wallet right now." Sometimes, I swear I saw myself put it away but it isn't there to be found! I would make promises not to misplace and yet, I do it again... I would forget another time. I don't know why I do this. Every time I fail, I get real sad and even cried because I really want to do the right thing.. put things away, keep him happy and follow through on my promises.

After many disappointments on both ends, he saw that it really was beyond my scope and finally just let it go. If he threatened to leave me if I don;t put things away, he would have left against my will and desire because I would not be able to change the action of forgetting for the life of me. I will always misplace and lose things and forget things. He didn't want to be always disappointed and mad at me for the same reasons that I could not help doing. So he just let it go.... and things have been a lot nicer. So give your hubby some credit. You can't think he wakes everyday thinking he will be a great father but will be forgetful and annoy you on purpose. Who wants to live like that? Who sets their life like that on purpose? He wants to be the best for you and the baby regardless he meets our standard or not.

Lastly, about going Green... i have SO much information for you! I am doing an internship on Going Green and Living Green for the Ken Blanchard Companies - a world wide and world renowned organization based here in San Diego. I have found alternatives to everything. I also found that some Green stuff are not so green... just marketing ploys trying to make money off people who are new to the green world. We should hang out sometime. I have a 15 month old who loves kids and dogs. Email me:(email removed)